For some reason, The Sun has made the outlandish assumption that we really, really need to hear the innermost tantalising, scurrilous p of v’s of the 2008 X Factor Loser.
And what gossip!! What news!! Er, perhaps not.
In a column that makes Angler’s Weekly seem as exciting as speedballing with Iggy Pop, wee Di has told us that pigeons get her (ahem) ‘in a flap.’
“I..have been pooed on at least three times”, she sensationally reveals.
In a nod to PSHE classes round the country, she also issues a stark warning on recreational drug use, having formed her opinions on the topic following a harrowing experience at last weekend’s V Festival.
“At festivals this summer, I’ve seen people passing out and people who don’t know where they are or what they are doing after taking drugs.
“I was even around someone who thought their friend was a fridge.”
Proving that the company of household white goods would probably be more fun than an afternoon with Di, the ‘Boy Who Murdered Love’ singer added: “On the first day of the V Festival I didn’t have any alcohol and ate tons of fruit and veg.
“But on the last day, I had a beer and a big pork and apple sauce sandwich.”
No comments:
Post a Comment